I used to interpret the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age. Until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked, “So what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?”
Beaming, she retorted, “My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success.
I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me. But with time, patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude it yielded results of getting cars, houses, children…”
“You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.”
“Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from the bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband. And then I boil hot water for him to bathe.”
“I iron his clothes he would wear to work, kiss him and wish him the best of the day.”
I asked my old woman,
“So then, what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied,
“You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage.
YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER – THIS IS WRONG!”
“When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always, the other person responds naturally.”
She continued, “My son, never carry ‘How rich or poor your family is’ into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.”
Love only compels/leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain a marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
Sometimes you hear, “I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God-fearing person etc. You cannot get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So, minimise your expectations in marriage.”
She concluded on the mistakes a couple should resist at all cost in marriage:
1. Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only used you as an agent for transformation, give glory to God.
2. Let the man be head of the home no matter the financial, economic, physical and emotional health situation. Whilst the woman should exercises diligence in the use of the tongue.
3. Having children should not be the ultimate objective of marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
4. Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not “angels” in the marriage.
5. Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6. Let the women “Make up” their characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.
Make every effort to let that marriage work and may God help us.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys. What are your thoughts on this article? You can leave comments below.
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