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My Hot Tempered Husband: Part 3

my hot tempered husband

The story broke my heart so deeply because I had come a long way with Dayo. Why must it be Dayo?

I wished this never happened. How will I quit a relationship that meant so much to me just like that? If I marry Dayo mama will never be happy with me all the days of her life.

I was really confused as love and hatred battled in the spirit. Who will win this battle, love or hatred? My man whom I love so much is the reason why my only brother could not make it to the hospital.

I had already gone deep with him whose anger sent my brother to his early grave. I am now in between two hard decisions to make – to leave Dayo and please mama or to marry him and displease my loving mother.

For a week, I didn’t pick Dayo’s calls nor return any. He sent me several text messages but I ignored them. I was boiling inside of me for the pain of losing a brother because my man was hot-tempered.

Dayo never gave up on me as he kept calling and sending SMS. A week later I decided to reply to his text message.

“Kemi, how are you today? Just checking on you”.

“I’m fine”, I replied. He was so excited seeing me replying his message after one week. Can I pick you up for a date tonight? He texted.

“6:30 pm,” I replied.

By 5:30 pm he was already waiting at our gate.

He called, “Kemi I am at your gate.”

I checked the time and it was 5:30pm.

“But we agreed for 6:30pm, why are you coming this early,” I queried.

“Don’t bother, take your time, I will be here waiting for you,” he said.

“Who was that?” Mama asked me.

“It’s Dayo, we are having a date.”

“No way, I had told you to leave that boy.”

“But mama that won’t be easy for me. I have not even discussed the story you shared with him yet. Let me go with him and relate the story you shared with me and see how he will react to it.”

Mama kept mute, not saying yes or no. I dressed up and joined Dayo in his car and we headed to a Chinese restaurant.

He placed the order, but I was not interested. 

Food or drink was the last thing on my mind. I needed to confront him with mama’s story and hear him deny or accept. He noticed I wasn’t touching any of the things set on the table.

“Kemi, you’re not eating?”

“Dayo I’m not here to eat, I came here with heavy heart and we need to talk.”

“Is it related to how your mother treated me the last time I came to your house? He asked.

“Yes, the reason why she doesn’t want us to be married.”

“I wouldn’t want this good moment to be affected, can’t we discuss that later?” He pleaded.

I took my bag to walk away when he took me by the hand, “please don’t go. We can discuss it, I am all ears.”

“Can you remember what happened on the 2nd of September, 19xx at about 4pm along Ahmadu Bello Way? A day a young man’s car was bashed by an elderly man and the young man got angry and smashed the old man’s windscreen? Can you remember a day a young man slapped a married woman who came in defence of an old man being harassed by a young man? Can you remember…”

“Stop!” he screamed at me. “Who told you all these?”

“That old man was my late dad, the woman with him was my mother and the boy they were taking to the hospital was my only brother who died just when they arrived at the hospital.”

He was dumbfounded for several seconds while his head was buried down.

To be continued…

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My Hot Tempered Husband: Part 2

my hot tempered husband

“Kemi, you cannot marry that boy, not when I’m alive.” Mama said this in anger.

“But why mama?” I asked her.

“You obviously don’t know that boy you brought home to me” Mama sounded like she knew Dayo before now. Mama, do you know him? I asked mama.

“Whether I know him or not is irrelevant for now, I won’t open my eyes wide and allow my only daughter to marry that boy. Go and tell him to go away with his gifts, I don’t want them. He won’t see my face again before he leaves,” Mama left me in the kitchen for her room.

I followed her, “But mama you have not told me why I cannot marry Dayo.”

“At the right time, I will tell you. But he must go now before I lose my temper.” Mama’s voice began to go up.

So that Dayo won’t hear, I left to join him in the sitting room.

The most difficult thing to do was how to convey mama’s message to Dayo. In between mama’s room and the sitting room I wept bitterly. When I joined Dayo in the sitting room, he was agitated, knowing something was wrong. He looked at my face and held me tightly,

“What is the matter Kemi? Oh, I can guess, mama doesn’t like me right?”

It was a difficult question to answer. My tears became the answer to Dayo’s question. Dayo was bitter. He pleaded with me to let him go. I looked at my love being rejected by my mother as he walked away from me. I was grieved seeing him leav with his gifts.

I went back to mama, “Dayo is gone,” I said and my tears moved mama to tears too.

“Kemi, sit down here,” Mama ordered me to sit at her bedside. “I believe you know I love you and I will never allow you to enter into a marriage that will make you unhappy all your life. That boy is hot-tempered and he will kill you someday in anger,” Mama said.

“But you don’t even know him, how come you know he is hot-tempered?” I asked Mama.

“I know him my daughter. Your father will not forgive me in heaven if I allow you marry this boy. How long have you been together?” Mama asked.

“Two years,” I replied.

“And you don’t know he is hot-tempered?”

I kept mute because that was the only challenge I have with Dayo and I have been praying for him. I have seen him getting angry like thrice and his attitude was heartbreaking. But I could overlook it because I loved him and for the fact that no man is perfect.

“When your father was still alive, Samuel was sick and we were rushing him to the hospital in our car but because your father was under duress just to beat the traffic he mistakenly bashed the car in his front. The damage was minimal, just a scratch on his back bumper. He came out of his car and it was a young man.”

“Your dad came out and begged him, “please I am sorry my son, it was not intentional. I could call my mechanic to come to pick the car to his workshop for a repair.”

All your father’s plea fell on deaf ears as the young man began to rain terrible insults on your father. “You old fool, you think my car is like this your jalopy?”

“Sorry my son, I was rushing your younger brother to the hospital, hence I was in a hurry.”

“Who is my younger brother? To hell with him.”

At this time your dad was angry and asked the boy to do his worse. We were shocked when he went and grabbed an iron rod and broke our windscreen right in the presence of other commuters.

“One woman came out of her car and shouted at the boy, ” ‘how could you do this? Don’t you have elders in your family? ‘ ”

“He became so angry and slapped that woman. When others saw what he did, they all came to take vengeance for us but your father begged them not to take laws into their hands.”

“He entered his car and zoomed off. By the time we got to the hospital, your brother gave up the ghost. If we had got to the hospital earlier, your brother would probably still be alive today. You see why you can’t marry this boy, that is the boy who killed your brother.”

To be continued…

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My Hot Tempered Husband: Part 1

my hot tempered husband

I will never forget my decision on the 13th of April 20xx that led to the journey of bitterness in my life and marriage. I was a very simple and loving girl until I met Dayo. My mother warned me, but I never listened.

I thought I was in love, and love could overrule all shortcomings. I now agree with the adage that says, “what an elder will see while sitting down, a young person may not see even if he is standing on a tall tree”.

On the 13th of April, I brought Dayo to my mother to formally introduce him to her as my fiance. It was a Saturday morning and mother had been expectant since I told her I was bringing a special guest to see her. Her joy knew no bound when I told her of my plan to come home with Dayo. I had described the person of Dayo with mama.

How handsome and cute he was. Mama fell in love with Dayo even before she met him due to all I told mama about Dayo. The preparations for Dayo’s visit was like a woman expecting a king.

Which mother won’t be happy when her daughter is bringing a man of her choice to her; a Christian and a rich guy. Mama ensured she stocked the fridge and freezer with all manner of food and drinks just in preparation for Dayo’s visit.

At a time I was jealous because the preparation was just too much. I never had fear if mama will accept Dayo or not because every woman will like him even at first sight.

The long-awaited Dayo finally showed up. When I opened the door for him, I whispered to his ear, “mama will be happy to see you”. I was impressed with his outfit and I knew that will also impress mama because he was wearing white lace. White was mama’s favourite colour.

He bought many gifts for my mum, so we headed to his car to pick the items before joining mama in the sitting room.

“Mama, here is Dayo, my fiancé” I introduced my awaited man to mama. “Ekaro oko mi, “good morning my husband” my mother greeted Dayo.

“I have been waiting for you since my daughter told me you will be coming. I have prepared all manner of food and I want you to be free because this is your house. Please have your seat,” mama offered Dayo a seat.

“My son, what is your name? Mama asked Dayo. My name is Ekundayo Adeoye, Dayo replied.

Then mama looked at Dayo’s face, “Your name is Dayo? And you want to marry my daughter?”

“Yes mama,” Dayo replied with a smile. “I love her ma, and I will like to marry her” he added.

“That’s okay. Kemi offer him something to drink and join me in the kitchen now.” Mama said and headed to the kitchen. I was very happy that mama is flowing with Dayo.

I offered him orange juice and ran to join mama in the kitchen. When I met mama in the kitchen her countenance was not as good as it was when she left the sitting room. I was shocked seeing on my mum with a frowned face.

“Anything the matter mama?” I asked.

I was shocked with what mama told me in the kitchen.

To be continued….

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How to Enter a Relationship

how to get into a relationship

At some point in life, we all crave to get into a relationship. We feel the need to love and be loved back. But how do you enter a relationship? And how do you get in a relationship especially when you have never been in a relationship before?

There are different reasons people have for going into a relationship – some good, some, not so good.

But firstly, ask yourself “Why do I want to get into a relationship? Is it because others have a partner and I don’t?” Get clear about why you need the other person first. It is not just about you but the other person want the relationship? It is a give-and-get mutuality.

Here are some vital tips to help you get into a relationship and build it:

  • Build your self-esteem

You cannot love someone or get into a relationship with someone else if you don’t love the person in the mirror enough. Inferiority complex is one reason why people cannot get into a healthy relationship and stay. Build self-esteem and get confident about yourself.

  • Be clear about your relationship goals and don’t let the experience of others deter you

Why do you want a relationship? What do you intend to achieve having and keeping that relationship?  What kind of person do you want the relationship with? What do you want it to lead to? And also let the other person know your expectations as they share theirs too.

You cannot have the same relationship experiences as others. This is because their goals are different from yours or they didn’t even have goals in the first place. Because theirs didn’t work out don’t mean you can’t work something out for yourself and your relationship.

  • Learn what builds and makes a strong lasting relationship

Before you get into a relationship, you need to learn what builds and keeps a relationship. These four are always present in such relationships:

(a). Communication (b). Understanding

(c). Trust (d). Tolerance

Read also 7 Things New Couples Should Focus on Early In Marriage

  • Don’t allow familiarity to breed contempt

There are people very close to you that you may take for granted in going into a relationship with just because you see them as friends. You have become used to seeing them and getting into a relationship with them is a NO for many.

Who else will understand you better if not a friend? But most ladies would prefer not to. And even while in the relationship, don’t become bored by getting used to the other person. Learn to respect the other person as time passes.

  • Watch out for what the other person likes and dislikes – then ask yourself if you can tolerate them or not

They all come in packages. There is something that makes you like someone. There is also a possibility of them possessing something in their behaviour orb attributes you may not like. Focus on the good and tolerate the not-so-good.

You will have something that got them attracted to you and also something that turns them off.

Learn your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and learn to tolerate them. Else, walk…

  • Start off with the common things

The common things are the ones that unite us. What things do you like that they also like? Where do they like going that they love too?

When you want to enter a relationship, put one leg in first. Then if it is okay you can put the second leg in and be swept away by the currents of love. Love is not blind. Every healthy relationship has eyes and can see clearly what it wants. Enter a relationship with your eyes open.

Are you in a relationship? How did you get into it? What is sustaining it? You can leave comments about how you got into your relationship below.  You can also share and follow us on Facebook ♣ Twitter ♣ Instagram for more informative relationships content

7 Things New Couple Should Focus on Early in Marriage

focus on early in marriage

There are some things new couple need to focus on early in marriage.

Marriage between two lovers is a beautiful thing. It means joining two unique individuals who are in love together to live as one forever. It is way beyond cohabiting under one roof and making babies. One of the major purposes of marriage is for companionship. And that means you have to be available physically, emotionally, and otherwise for your partner always.

Always remember that marriage is for better for worse. So prepare for the good days and not-so-good days. There are some 7 things new couple should focus on early in marriage.

1. Sex: Lots of it.

In fact, this is one reason why some are married. Most marriages end due to sexual issues. Either one person is not getting enough of it, or one person is getting it from someone else. Either way, the number one thing to focus on, as a young married couple, is sex and lots of it. With each other of course. It reinforces the pair bond you have both chosen to initiate. And it is a hell of a lot of fun when done right. Investing time into the emotional and physical components of relationships pay dividends. Sex is not just for making babies.

Communicate

Talk, share, be open, honest, carry the load to together. It’s a partnership. If you don’t get this right, the rest is not going to save you. The reason why most people yell in relationships is because they are emotionally distant. But knowing how to communicate early in marriage will save you a lot of headache. Not all communications are verbal. Plus, you also have to study your partner to know how they communicate.

Plan

You need to plan everything ahead. Kids – plan how many you intend to have, finance – what to save for future projects, vacations, where to live etc. The more planning you do together, the more you are involved in  each other. It becomes hard for a partner to leave after building a home.

Read also Kind of Woman You Should Never Marry

“I Love You…”

Never forget to tell your partner I LOVE YOU every time you can. When you wake up, before you sleep, during means. It is a reassuring statement of love to your partner. Say it even if you don’t feel like it. It will save you in rainy days.

Decisions

Make and take decisions together as often as possible. This way, even if your partner is not around you will know what to do in their stead.

Responsibilities

Share responsibilities together. Thought there are some roles that may be automatically taken up, there are yet others that should be done by whoever can do them better for efficiency. Plan to pick the kids up from school when you have them.

Common Ground

Have a common ground for everything you may likely disagree on before those situations come up. Having a common ground means dealing with and taking decisions about critical issues even before they arrive. There should always be a middle ground to come to when you disagree. Let your bedroom be your supreme court to settle issues.

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Signs of a Man’s Immaturity in Marriage

signs of a man's immaturity in marriage

Marriage is about love, and tolerance. But there are things men  do in marriages that show signs of a man’s immaturity in marriage. A married couple should be complementary to each other for peace to reign. The signs of a man’s immaturity show when he repeatedly does some of these things to the wife in a marriage:

1. Rejecting Food When There’s an Issue

Rejecting your wive’s food is a sign of immaturity in a marriage. Grow up! The only time you should reject food is when it is poisoned. You should not even abandon your home for any reason. You could go somewhere when angry. But ensure that you don’t allow it to linger unnecessarily because that is enough for the devil to build on even though some women can be really troublesome. You bought the food anyway. When you start eating out, you may continue and your wife may think there is another woman. The way your wife gets to your heart is your stomach. Allow her to apologize with her cooking.

2. Reminding your wife that you are the head

Your wife already knows this. Only an inferior-thinking man will tell the wife always that he is the head. When your wife disobeys/ disrespect you she still knows that you are the head. You need not shout or scream it daily. It’s important for you to know when and how to be firm and put your feet down over issues. However don’t become a nagging husband just to prove that you are the head. Be the head and you don’t have to remind her.

3. Wife Abuse/Beating

Beating, verbally abusing your wife, issuing threats of divorce or bragging about marrying another wife does not make you a man. An EMPTY barrel makes the loudest noise. Your strength is in your ability to tame your tongue and control your fist. When she is acting her “childish woman” part, play the “matured man.” Don’t make her feel bad. Honouring your wife means treating her like a queen even when she may not deserve it.

Other Signs of a Man’s Immaturity in Marriage…

4. Reporting Your Wife to Friends and Family

When your wife offends you, correct and talk things through. You don’t have to tell everyone about her mistakes. That will paint her black and sell her cheap such that you will not be able to redeem her back. It will make people disrespect you thinking you can’t run a home and your issues efficiently.

5. Keeping Malice

Is it not funny to know that some men keep malice? Some of them even nag, abuse and call their wives names in public. Don’t let the sun go down without forgiving your spouse for anything you hold against her. It will only make your prayers unanswered.

Read also Why Men Seem to Die Earlier Than Women

6. Not Helping with Chores

The wife is the home builder and keeper. However, it’s not a bad thing if a man lends a helping hand when necessary. Watching football with newspaper in your hand every evening, not caring how stressful the house chores are will only increase the pressure on your wife. And if you truly care you’ll help, just checking on her while busy could encourage and sooth her, this also makes you a good example to the kids especially the boys. Help out with anything you can. Make out time. Some men don’t even say “thank You” to their wives after eating. This may not be one of the signs of a man’s immaturity in marriage if there is already a maid or help who helps out.

7. Cheating

Cheating is another sign of a man’s immaturity in marriage.  Whatever you can get outside you can get inside and even much more for free. The worst part is that many claim that it is in men nature to cheat. Lies! The ability to not cheat is self control. And that is what makes you a man. Don’t cheat on your beloved. She should be your one and only…

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How to Identify a Wife Material

how to identify a wife material

To be a good husband means you should know how to identify a wife material. You should already have a material in mind before going to the market to select a clothe. And you can take along your scissors in case your seller’s own isn’t sharp enough.

So, How do you Identify a wife material? Is it cashmere, a new bail material, silk, cotton, wool, or polymer? how many yards of material can you afford?

Identifying a wife material is very important. So, are you identifying for yourself or for someone else? Are you going to sew according to your size or you need the material in different shades? Lol.

To identify a wife material is a tricky and fun venture. Of course there are a lot of things to look out for when you are looking out for a good wife. Because you are meant to do that just once.

In identifying a wife material…

  1. She just likes you for who you are. She isn’t as bothered what  you are but loves you for being you.
  2. She is God-fearing and always prays for you.
  3. She is mature and you can trust her judgement.
  4. Respect is what you get anytime you are with her. Even behind you she respects you.
  5. She is kind to everyone especially children.
  6. You mom talks about her if they’ve ever met. And she likes to remind you to call family if you are far from them.
  7. She is industrious and skilled in everything she does.
  8. A wife material spends money for the right reasons and for the right things.
  9. If you love her meals then it counts as a plus to her being a wife material.
  10. No matter how popular or celebrated she is, she is humble.
  11. She is not tribalistic
  12. She knows what you like and what you dislike.
  13. Gives you space when you need some.
  14. You can’t stay angry at her for long as she always wants you to settle.

There are so many other ways to identify a wife material. If in doubt please feel free to “Ask your mummy or a mother figure.” Remember, you will not always find all these qualities and more in one woman. But the more you find, the luckier the man you are.

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